Reconnecting to your own energy: the secret to being yourself
How much of your life have you spent responding to the world around you?
I was at a conscious breath training in Arizona when I finally realized my actions never came from inside myself.
During every exercise, I could feel my energy leak out into the room, towards my partner, with a longing to merge. I thought it was the only way to help them. Besides, I had no idea how to contain my energy.
A couple years before during a shamanic initiation process my teacher told me to never share what I experienced with anyone. It triggered me so much. I didn’t know why.
It can be scary to take up as much room as we actually do. It can be overwhelming to hold onto our joy instead of frantically sharing it with the closest joy-deprived person. It used to make me feel selfish.
Ideally, people learn what it feels like to be contained - supported, given structure - during childhood. For many of us, our parents didn’t have the tools to provide that container.
The place that said, yes, you are feeling this, wanting this, experiencing this - I can hold that for you. I can give you a space to operate inside of. Not to hold you back, but to help you grow.
This container is intimately bound up in the development of our nervous system. Having a container is when we can relax, feel peaceful and at ease.
Babies learn to rest and stop crying when they are energetically contained by their caregiver. When we lack this experience, the nervous system grows up fried. Stuck in activation. Unable to recalibrate, rest and renew.
We get caught in a cycle of looking for a container outside ourselves, only to burn out, exhausted by the search.
In the spirit of this month’s theme, reconnecting to your home frequency, I wanted to highlight not only the importance of learning what our own energy feels like but also the importance of knowing how to contain it for ourselves.
The moment I realized I was always jumping out of my skin, I’d already been doing conscious breath for a long time. My nervous system was a lot less fried than it used to be.
Through breath, it had more or less come back to balance. At that training I was on the precipice: either I was going to step up and support myself, or I was going to start the cycle all over again.
I realized that in order to preserve the balance in my nervous system I would have to stop seeking a container outside myself. I would have to start trusting that I was enough.
Conscious breath has given me the tools to be my own container. It’s been a back-and-forth process: learning to be a little bit more of myself, and then practicing holding onto that spark even when I’m in a group.
I’ve learned that with an out-of-whack nervous system it doesn’t matter how much I meditate on something or change my thoughts about it.
Physiology is real, and none of us will win a fight with our bodies. The more I’ve healed my nervous system with breath, the easier it’s become for me to stay in my home frequency.
Breath continues to be my tool for exploring who I am, safely and without pressure. It’s the first place I learned to practice being enough for myself.
To trust that I had what I needed to make it through this feeling, this minute, and the next one. The little girl inside of me who didn’t have a container didn’t believe I could do it.
Slowly, day by day, I’ve shown her that I’m up to the challenge.
If you find yourself often looking to others to set the tone, or getting confused about what you truly feel/think, chances are that you need more of a container, too.
Self-doubt is a great indicator that you could use some new tools to support yourself.
The more conscious breath I’ve experienced, the more trust I’ve built in who I am. And the more confidence I have in my ability to weather challenges without melting down.
If you’re in the NYC area, I’d love to share this process that changed my life with YOU! I hold monthly conscious breath experiences set to powerful, trance-supporting music.
In the breath session you’ll move through old or stuck energies/emotions, release chronic tension from the body and reconnect to the real you - the one underneath those fears and past hurts.
You will leave feeling so much lighter, with a new tool to move through challenges and a deeper trust in your own resilience.
I believe in you. Let me give you the tools to believe in yourself again.
To see upcoming workshop dates and to reserve your space, check the collective page.
In the meantime, are you curious to explore being your own container? Here are some things to be aware of in the coming days…
—What does my own energy feel like when I am alone?
—What does my energy feel like when I am around others? (I suggest testing this with a few different people)
—Can I feel sensations in my body while I interact with others? When I am alone?
—Do the sensations in my body change depending on the context?
All I want is to make you stuff that helps. Do you have questions, suggestions, or a topic you’d like me to explore? Contact me here. I would love to hear from you!